Perhaps I Can Do Better

Why cannot we be a true nation under God.  If we can jus get a nucleus going that is as pure as we can get.  I feel it would grow.  What is so great about the ways of the world in relationship to a loving family and friends. One of if not my best friend from high school spent his life in his fathers house and is to this day a preacher in the same church as his father.  He has a beautiful wife and children.  He seems at peace.

I take that in contrast to my life and I question what was the difference.  It is all about the support network and how the children are nurtured and the values they are taught.  I am a truly self and world made man.  It recently dawned on me that my parents simply do not communicate.  They talk but never about anything of value.  My dad was religious but I knew nothing of it.  I was taken to church as a child the as I grew older that ceased.  I began to go on my own in junior high.  I was baptized in 1980 and fell away.  What I recall is that I felt the more devout the people were the more controlling and hypocritical they were.  So my experience almost without exception, supported this.  But without guidance I didn't know to look deeper at others like my friend.  He has always lead an exemplary life.  But he had some serious tribulations, he lost his sister to cancer when he was in junior high.  I did not have the wisdom to realize that tribulations make you stronger.  Nor did I have the counsel to guide me nor the communication skills to even ask the right questions. 

But I always knew God existed and was just and merciful.  But I had no idea how much he cared and loved.  I just wish I knew him better.   I feel my worldly ways may have pushed him away.  But Satan has his hooks in me with regards to lust.  At least I think of it as lust.  But all I really want is to feel love.  That is one thing I know how to give, pleasure  to a lady.  The world isolates me, forcing me away from any sort of loving relationship, then judges me for trying to somehow fulfill that need. But never does i offer ay true support or help.   I am not complaining I just do not understand why.  Well I did not.  But I am starting to see some things that explain it in the Bible.  I just hope my stubbornness,  and seeming misplaced urges are not too excessive for his forgiveness.  I have a heart
and I need love, and that desire or need becomes overwhelming, and pours out into wrong places.

But I can see so many things that can be improved in relationships among people, groups, and governments.