If You Hear The Words True Love, Run

I have been looking at online dating sites and recently realized one thing.  You should likely be cautious around people who make statements like:

• State they are looking for True Love  
• State more than once they are sick of games
• State more than once they are sick of being lied to, or mislead 
• State that most of the opposite sex are this or that

These people have a negative bias against the opposite sex and will never be happy. That is because the do not understand what Love is.  To Love is to give.  So what does the statement true giving mean?  Nothing, because they are referring to love as something you receive.  The Love they are referring to is the joy that one gets from giving to others.  But they likely confuse this for the euphoria of a new relationship.   Which given that lack of understanding  they will likely get cold feet once the newness wears off, then begin sliding into discontent.  The time they remain in the relationship is inversely proportional  to their ability to communicate and self awareness. 

Love can be thought of as 4 components:

Commitment -  this is the decision that one makes to try, longevity creates a sense of familiarity comfort that acts like a glue keeping people together, in a healthy relationship this provides a sense of security, in a bad one it can keep people together if they are weak in other areas.

Communication - open and complete communications about everything from expectations to the daily events, God refers to this as walking in truth.  But never assume the other understands, likely they do not.  This develops trust over time, via familiarity.  But not communicating properly allows surprises and disappointments to creep in, destroying trust. 

Giving - Giving freely of yourself, without expectation of return.  This generates Joy in the giver, the feeling of love.  So True love for someone is generated by the person.  So to ostate one is looking for true love simply demonstrates they do not understand and likely cannot achieve a healthy relationship.

Passion - The physical aspects of love, lust, euphoria, bliss. physical intimacy. These are much greater when coupled with the other aspects od love.

The core issue is that people who do not get this are not self aware. Likely due to not being open minded, which comes from being to inwardly focused.

A good set of questions to ask someone are:

• How do you define love?  When do you know if it will work?
• What are you looking for in a relationship ad partner?  Or perhaps what do you know you do not want?
• When you are in a disagreement and you know you are right do you prefer to listen completely to  their positon first, or get to the truth ASAP?
• Are you better at giving advice or receiving advice?
• Your spouse just came home late from work, on your birthday and forgot.  How do you respond?   

In the first two you are just looking for self awareness of the person.  Self and situational awareness is the foundation of the ability to adapt and have a successful and happy relationship.

In the next three you are looking to see how inwardly focused the person is.  A unselfish person will have no problem getting hung up when every choice does not go their way. 

Be fair, ask yourself the same questions.  Try to find a compatible mate.  Also realize that if the person has an open mind, all these things can be learned.  Do not mistake lack of experience with lack of ability.  Try not to judge, but simply try to understand each other and what works and what does not.  

But you should be looking for self aware, open minded, communicative givers, as you should also strive to be.